Friday, October 16, 2009

#8 Counting Calories

I know what you're thinking. But Single Girl 1.0, everybody counts calories. Yes, I realize that fat girls count calories, and skinny girls especially count calories. But I do believe that single girls are way more diligent with counting calories than non-single girls. I mean, let's face it, couples who eat together stay together. How often have we seen a non-single counterpart let herself go once she was in a satisfied and secure relationship? Exactly. Don't even get me started on those pregnant girls.

I've seen those silly applications for iPhones that keep track of calories for you. Whatever. Single girls have been mentally counting calories since we gained the freshman 15 in college. Despite the fact that I only studied up to linear algebra my sophomore year, I have calorie counting down to a science. My internal calorie counter functions like the quadratic equation (take THAT, b-squared minus 4ac).

Who knows how single girls acquire this skill. I wish I could say it were an innate quality. For me, I was brainwashed I learned what my daily caloric intake should be and how to calculate such daily caloric intake in a nutrition class taught at the local community college. (This single girl is a smart cookie and finished all her general education courses during summer school.) It was also there that I aquired the uncanny ability to discern how many calories are in what.  (One average strawberry = 2.7 calories, one slice of cheese = 88 calories, one walnut = 26 calories.)

When non-single girls gain weight, they think Uh oh, gotta lay off those margaritas. After all, everybody knows there are 450 calories in each of those bad boys - margaritas are usually the first things to go when non-single girls start "dieting." (I stopped drinking them after I realized that the calorie content from one margarita is 27% of my daily recommended caloric intake. Words of advice: tequila shot = 100 calories.)

Single girls don't gain weight and we don't "diet" - because we are counting calories ALL THE FRIGGIN' TIME.  Some people count sheep before bed, we count calories.  We know that calorie counting is not just beneficial to our bodies, it also sharpens our math skills (ie. adding calories, multiplying servings, subtracting burned calories), memory retention (ie. what have I eaten already, what is my current calorie count, how many calories have I already burned) AND foresight (ie. what should I avoid eating, how many calories will I burn walking around the mall for an hour).

An example. Let's say I am allowing myself to eat ordering lunch today.  For the sake of simplicity, I am having my favorite meal at Chick-fil-A: a Chick-fil-A chicken sandwich (on a golden wheat bun, no pickle) with honey roasted BBQ sauce (one packet), waffle fries (size small) with three ketchup packets, and a Diet Coke (size small).  Already in my head, I am thinking 430 + 60 + (280/2 [I am sharing the waffle fries with a friend]) + (3*10) + 0 (yay, Diet Coke) = 660.  And because I ran six miles this morning (100 calories burned per mile = 100*6 = 600 calories burned) AND skipped breakfast (zero calories consumed), I have really only consumed 660 - 600 = 60 calories for the day.

Hallelujah!  I believe I have enough calories left over to consume several cocktails tonight!  (One vodka soda = 90 calories)

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