Thursday, February 24, 2011

#63 Royal Weddings

The It Girl of the moment is not the usual tabloid train wreck.  She is not a Kardashian, a teen mom or Lindsay Lohan.  Like a slew of other celebrities, she has an impending wedding but is not an actress, reality television star or self-entitled socialite.

She is Kate Middleton, a pretty British brunette and the daughter of a former flight attendant and a flight officer.  She is currently engaged to her college sweetheart, Prince William of Wales – heir to the throne of England (aka the future King of England).    

Forget Bieber fever (we’re too old, anyway).  Single girls are crazy for Kate.

Since Kate Middleton’s engagement to Prince William, the future King of England, she has inspired a nail polish color called “No More Waity Kaitie.”  (She’s been dating William since 2001 – see what they did there?)  The blue Issa dress she wore during their wedding announcement was sold out within 24 hours in London.  The white Reiss ensemble she wore in their engagement photo (taken by celebrity photographer Mario Testino, of course) was from her own closet and sold last fall.  No longer available in stores and because of Kate, it has been resurrected from the fashion vault, re-made and re-sold. 

Each day, our fingers are poised above our Twitter feeds eagerly anticipating the latest news on the Royal Wedding taking place April 29.  (Yes, we have it marked on our calendars, and yes, “Royal Wedding” should be capitalized.)  Royal honeymoon location revealed!  Bridal party announced!   Kate quits job to plan wedding!  Invitations have been mailed!  (They invited Kanye West?!)  Today, the Royal Couple launched a RAFT.  On other slow news days, the press will leak baby photos of Kate Middleton or continue to speculate on the designer of the Royal Wedding Gown.

Suddenly, we want to know everything about Kate Middleton.  She did her own make-up for her engagement photos!  She is FRIENDS with Victoria Beckham!  She is on multiple best-dressed lists.  Hell, we would even stalk her on Facebook if we could, but all “Kate Middleton” accounts have been disabled by the website.  Lifetime (the television network that is a guilty pleasure for us single girls) is currently filming a movie about the royal couple airing April 21 and 22.  (Yes, this is also saved in our calendars.)

Our recent obsession with Middleton and her Royal Wedding is nothing new.  Before us, our mothers had Lady Diana’s marriage to Prince Charles.   Before her, our grandmothers had Hitchcock heroine Grace Kelly’s marriage to Prince Rainier of Monaco.

Prince Rainier and Grace Kelly’s Royal Wedding, was dubbed "The Wedding of the Century."  Kelly's family offered the Prince a dowry of TWO MILLION DOLLARS.  She then sailed to Monaco from American with her bridesmaids, family and EIGHTY pieces of luggage.  Her wedding dress was produced in six weeks by THREE DOZEN seamstresses!

Lady Diana’s “fairytale wedding” was televised to 750 million people around the world.  Her sapphire engagement ring is surrounded by 14 DIAMONDS.  (Kate now wears it.)  Her bridal gown had a train measuring 25 FEET and was made from 10,000 pearls!  At their reception, the couple had 27 WEDDING CAKES!

What is it about a Royal Wedding that sets a single girl into a grand ol’ tizzy?

It’s simply princess envy.  As with everything else, we’re blaming the media for our single girl insecurities.  Specifically, the origin of all this princess envy stems from those silly Walt Disney movies.  Cinderella?  We want her shoes.  Snow White?  OF COURSE, we’d like to be “fairest of them all.”  Sleeping Beauty?  Her dress CHANGED COLORS and we’d actually like to take a nap right now.  Ariel?  We're jealous of her, ahem, “sea shells.”  And Jasmine?  Our abs don’t look like that.

Growing up, did we ever want the doctor Barbie?  No, we wanted the Barbie with the big poufy princess-inspired ball gown.  We don’t necessarily need the titles, the 18-carat sapphire, the ridiculous wedding gown, the security detail.  When it comes down to it, every single girl just wants to be treated like a princess.  And we’ll kiss as many frogs as we can if it means we’ll someday find our prince.

Friday, August 20, 2010

#62 A Good "How We Met" Story

This week, I had the privilege of guest blogging for single dude, LA Idiot.  Read about my thoughts on internet dating and why single girls like a good "how we met" story here.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

#6O.N.E. Coconut Water

**Sponsored post**

Most people are appalled with my habit of adopting the "elf diet:" Hostess cupcakes for breakfast, peanut M&Ms for lunch and Pop-tarts for dinner.  When I had my over-priced membership to an "athletic club," I devoted more time thinking of reasons NOT to go to the gym than I actually spent AT the gym. 

Granted, every single girl has different prerogatives.  Mine happen to include expensive Italian shoes, and not necessarily my physical well-being.  My poor health sometimes doesn't even make it on my list of priorities let alone, and well, left alone at the bottom of one. 

Certainly, single girls like to count calories, but with a penchant for fake cooking, take-out meals, eating over the sink or having chips and guacamole for dinner, we tend to overlook the fact that our only serving of fruit for the week was a measly piece of lychee in our martini.

After suffering through the hangover of the century two months ago, I decided to be more concerned about my entire body and not just my liver, which explains my latest obsession with O.N.E. Coconut Water.

According to our friends at O.N.E., coconut water is an "all-natural hangover elixir."  Not only is drinking 11-ounces of coconut water comparable to drinking an entire LITER of water for hydration purposes, coconut water controls vomiting and replaces lost electrolytes from vomiting.  (This is super helpful when even the thought of tequila makes you queasy.)

Reasons why single girls like O.N.E. Coconut Water:

- O.N.E. Coconut Water is a low calorie, NON-FAT beverage.  (You know how single girls feel about calorie counting.  And fat.)

- O.N.E. Coconut Water relieves urinary problems, kills intestinal worms and breaks up kidney stones.  (Who needs a Master Cleanse when you have coconut water?)

- O.N.E. Coconut Water is a natural alternative to Viagra.  (Um, score!  Pun intended.)

- O.N.E. Coconut Water may help encourage smoother and clearer skin.  (Age spots, acne and wrinkles, good bye!)

- O.N.E. Coconut Water has more potassium than a banana.  (Perfect because I never really cared for bananas, and potassium is great for your heart.)

- O.N.E. Coconut Water contains A LOT of vitamins.  (Natural energy booster, anyone?)

- O.N.E. Coconut Water is an all-natural isotonic beverage and contains a bunch of electrolytes.  (Translation: it increases metabolism.  Actual translation: it helps with [relationship] weight loss.)

- O.N.E. Coconut Water comes in a cute, eco-friendly container that fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. (Great for those mornings when you're hungover and dragging ass.)

With so many benefits of drinking O.N.E. Coconut Water, who knew it would be this easy to adopt a healthier lifestyle - and in a cardboard box to boot?  This single girl is officially a convert, but she's not giving up her cupcakes or Pop-tarts anytime soon.

Friday, August 6, 2010

#60 Girls' Night In

So it's Friday night.  Our girlfriends are rallying.  If it's a "who, what, wear" kinda night, maybe it'll be sushi and sake followed by drinks at the new hotel bar.  Or tapas and sangria, and then drinks at the other new hotel bar.

However, it's also the end of an arduous work week spent in high-waisted pencil skirts or slacks and pointy-toed office pumps.  The last thing we want to do is apply glue and false lashes to our eyelids, put on special underwear, squeeze into a cocktail dress and tiptoe around town in 5" YSL platform sandals.

Certainly by now, most single girls understand both the merits and disadvantages of a girls' night out (or GNO). On the positive side, many of our epic drinking tales are a result of the shenanigans, mischief and mayhem derived from a girls' night out. And what single girl doesn't enjoy a good chortle retelling such stories?

If the intent and mission of a GNO is to "meet guys," some single girls neglect to realize the size of their party is indirectly proportional to the level of success in meeting said guys.  With these expectations, failure to meet a definite caliber of male on a night out could lead to some, if not total, disappointment.

For example, when a large group of girls heading out to a bar together collide with a comparable group of dudes, one would hope this to be an opportune turn of events - until it resembles a junior high school dance in the cafeteria with boys on one side of the room sneaking fidgety glances at girls on the other side of the room.

Ladies, it's a simple formula of proportion and mathematics: we all know it's easier for two guys to approach two girls, not two guys to eight girls (much to everyone's chagrin).  Unfortunately, a girls' night out can become a complete clam jam session when too many women are involved.

Albeit, there are those nights where we abandon "Operation: Man Hunt" because we're not in the right mood to potentially meet the man of our dreams at a bar.  Maybe we're feeling bloated, maybe our favorite dress is at the dry cleaner's, or maybe we're just totally over "girls' night out."  (Gasp!  How could this be?)

These are the nights we step out of the house in leggings and tastefully oversized t-shirts with our favorite accessory (a bottle of wine) and head over to a girlfriend's house.  If she's the Martha Stewart of the group, she will have a lasagna, casserole or something equally starchy baking in the oven.  Otherwise, it's most likely she fake cooked or ordered take-out from somewhere calorically fantastic.

It's no wonder why single girls like "girls' night in."  Benefits include opening that fifth bottle of wine (when there are only four of us) AND indulging on a third piece of lasagna with nobody (really) judging us.  (And the fact that we showed up in elastic waistbands is no coincidence.)

The ability to converse on certain topics in the privacy and safety of someone's home is quite liberating (especially after that fifth glass of wine).  We can talk about birth control (because abstinence is not an option), Brazilians (not the people), penises (yes, we compare notes), blow jobs (yes, we share techniques) and battery-operated "boyfriends." 

We can exchange bad date stories, deliberate about the guys we're seeing or gossip about former sorority sisters without worrying about a bartender, waiter, busboy or stranger overhearing our blunt, and often bawdy, exchange.  Unfortunately, when a specific person is being discussed in public, there is always a chance that someone within earshot is acquainted with the subject, specifically in a small town such as Los Angeles.

Another advantage of girls' night in?  We can have our cake, and eat two.  Carpe noctem!