Wednesday, October 14, 2009

#6 Trenchcoats


In light of this "storm watch," I was inspired to write about trenchcoats. And not just trenchcoats, but what we have (or don't have) on under these trenchcoats and where we are going with said trenchcoats.

Yes, boys, single girls like to show up at your doorstep wearing nothing but a trenchcoat and lingerie (and really high heels). And you thought this was one of your sexual fantasies? Wrong! Single girls like to have fun, too. However, I believe this to be an underperformed cliche for many reasons.

Firstly, single girls don't just show up on any doorstep practically naked with only an overcoat. Oh, no. We might do this when we feel like he's deserved it - basically positive reinforcement for good behavior (there goes our psychology degrees working again). Has he been especially thoughtful/attentive/sweet? Yes? Good. We might do this when we're in a celebratory mood. Is it his birthday?/Did he just get a promotion? Yes? Good. Ultimately, he needs to earn it.

Proceeding, single girls worry about logistics. How do we get from point A to point B without literally exposing ourselves? No doubt, we will have our trenchcoats on, but single girls who live in metropolitan areas with subterranean transportation systems may opt to take taxis. Single girls with our own vehicles may choose to pack some clothes in an "emergency" bag, just in case. (Single girls like having "just in case" overnight bags in their trunks anyway.)

Next, the arrival. If he does not live alone, this poses another hurdle for us as we would prefer to show up on his doorstep without worrying about his roommate(s), or god forbid, parents answering the door. The last thing we want to be concerned with is an overly chivalrous male roommate who offers to take our coat upon entering his abode.

Even if he does live alone, we need to be 120% certain that he is in fact alone. A worst case scenario is showing up at his house on his birthday (or the day of his big promotion), almost naked under a trenchcoat, only to be greeted by the hoards of people he invited over to help him celebrate - and now we have five overly chivalrous dudes offering to take our coat. Classic Bridget Jones moment.

Who knew that arriving on his doorstep in a trenchcoat could be so difficult?
So why do we do it? Honestly, we're secretly thrilled to be almost nude running around town. Single girls like being exhibitionists (in more ways than one). We do it because once the trenchcoat comes off, that jaw-dropping, OMFG look he has on his face is so amazingly gratifying and slightly empowering.

Most of all, single girls aim to be the stuff of legends. We want to be that girl he dated who showed up at his doorstep in nothing but a trenchcoat and lingerie.

5 comments:

  1. This is so true - in order to do any number of sexy, spontaneous things, you need to do a heck of a lot of planning! Great post!

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  2. ...still high up on my "to do" list...

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  3. So true!
    My trenchcoast was black. I can't help it, I have to be matchy matchy.

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  4. been there done that and watch out when you step out of a car on a windy day!

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  5. Doing this tomorrow, and im soooo nervous :/ but excited as well!

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