Tuesday, April 20, 2010

#47 Facebook Stalking

We can all agree on the merits of Facebook: it's a wonderful resource to reunite with old friends, see how much weight the cheerleaders from high school have gained, find out what loser the prom queen married, make snarky remarks about the outfit our frenemy wore to an event and keep in touch with our best friend who moved to Singapore.

If Facebook is another manifestation of social voyeurism, then consider it another avenue for stalking.  Unless our stalkee is a celebrity or other public figure, the results we retrieve from Google stalking can be frivolously nominal.  On the other hand, Facebook stalking offers a cache of information on our current crush.

Looking at a Facebook profile not only reveals someone's basic information like current city and hometown, likes and interests, employer and alma mater; you are also privy to this person's status updates, mobile uploads, photo albums, wall posts, friend additions and how many sheep he has collected on his farm.  You not only see WHO likes/comments on his status updates, mobile uploads and wall posts; you can even see THEIR status updates, mobile uploads, wall posts et al.  You can even see what EVENTS they are attending.  It's like a stalker's dream come true!

However, one of the golden rules of being a single girl is: do NOT add the guy(s) you are dating as a friend on Facebook.  Why?  Because ignorance is bliss.

Having unrestricted access to someone's Facebook profile is like opening the Pandora's box of the 21st century.

Do we really need to agonize over that blonde whore commenting on his status update, or the photo of a brunette bitch posing in a tiny bikini with him on a beach somewhere?  Do we really need to obsess over the wall-to-wall thread he has with that OTHER brunette bitch?  So what if they're just meeting for coffee??  RIGHT?! 

Even if we're not friends with someone on Facebook, sometimes we can't help but search for him/her.  Maybe he's a crush.  Or an ex.  Or an ex of a crush.  Or our ex's crush.  We're bored.  It's Tuesday night.  Do we open Pandora's box?

I once Facebook stalked an ex who happens to have three mutual friends with me.  I had limited access to his profile, but his relationship status told me he was currently engaged.  I was then engrossed with staring at a thumbnail-sized photo of his "fiancee" for at least 15 minutes.  I did a mental timeline of how long they could have known each other based on when I had broken up with his voicemail (true story), then threw myself a pity party.  I also considered freezing my ovaries.

Another time, I Facebook stalked a guy I was dating who claimed he had a very hectic work load.  He told me he was too busy to talk to me, but Facebook revealed that he wasn't too busy to turn on his computer, open his internet browser, log onto Facebook, find a picture, crop the picture and ultimately change his profile picture every week.

Why should Facebook be a tool single girls use to flagellate our own emotions and egos?

In a twisted way, Facebook stalking has become a form of self-preservation.  Single girls have had our hearts broken in some shape or form, this is why we're single.  We know guys can be dishonest, we know they can disappoint us.  Maybe knowing certain details about their lives via Facebook will shed some light on their behavior and possible indiscretions.

I dated a guy who had drinks with an ex-girlfriend.  Alone.  She clearly wanted to get back together with him still, and this was a motivating factor for him to keep me in the dark about their rendezvous.  I eventually found out and confronted him about it.  He told me defiantly: "Well, just because I didn't tell you, it doesn't mean I'm lying to you."

Does it?  (This was the same guy I broke up with over voicemail.)

It only takes one bad experience with one bad guy to give us a reason to open Pandora's box.


  1. Facebook stalking keeps getting harder as more girls private their profiles and call themselves, "first name, middle name"

  2. So true! I couldn't help but keep track of whats going on in my Crush's profile. Just seeing all the girls commenting on his status updates and photos pissed me off!
    But as one of my Besties told me, the more I think about him, the more I'm letting him "win" in the Game of dating. So now I'm living my Life, going out with my friends (guys and girls) and pretty much stopped caring about What he does or Who he does with.