Thursday, November 26, 2009

#22 Thanksgiving

Aside from Halloween, Thanksgiving might be a single girl's favorite holiday.

For Thanksgiving is an American holiday and if there is one thing that Americans know how to do right, it is EAT. Thanksgiving is a completely gluttonous holiday with food consumption as its ONLY priority (no presents, no religious obligations, JUST eating) so single girls may starve ourselves 364 days out of the year in order to binge on this special day.

Because we're eating (a lot, and in public, to boot), we say "no thanks" to Spanx. Single girls thanked our lucky stars when empire waist and tent dresses came back in style. And how can we forget Lindsay Lohan for her one contribution to society? Indeed, the second coming of leggings. After all, the glorious thing about leggings, besides pairing so well with tunics, is their elastic waistbands.

Now that our food belly can be safely concealed under something equally chic and unrestraining, Thanksgiving is the one day a year single girls will ignore our internal calorie counters. Instead, we think about Thanksgiving's health benefits: turkey is a lean meat and good source of protein, cranberry sauce is an excellent source of antioxidants, one slice of pumpkin pie contains more than 100% of your daily value of vitamin A, and it now appears that mashed potatoes potentially lower blood-pressure. Seconds? Yes, PLEASE!

While we're happily gorging on our Thanksgiving feasts, we might even humor our relatives with pithy responses to their relentless badgering of our (lack of) romantic pursuits.  To Aunt Betty who thinks we can't "find a man" because we wear "too much make-up," we might tell her that after our last boyfriend dumped us, we are seriously considering devoting ourselves to Jesus and becoming a nun.  To Uncle Tom who thinks we can't "land a husband" because we don't wear enough make-up, we might tell him that our "boyfriend" is up in outerspace on a special NASA mission.  Indefinitely.

On the other hand, Thanksgiving can be quite the bittersweet holiday.  Once Black Friday rolls around, it will be a rough three months braving the triumverate of holidays that single girls loathe - Christmas (mistletoe envy), New Year's Eve (midnight kiss anxiety), and the dreaded Valentine's Day (aka Single Awareness Day).  Not until St. Patrick's Day (a single girl's favorite drinking holiday), can we go about our merry (and unmarried) single way.
So single girls, between mouthfuls of your first slice of pie, think about the one thing we are most thankful for (aside from elastic waistbands) - our autonomy. 
Happy Thanksgiving!


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