Thursday, May 27, 2010

#52 Sporadic Self-Grooming Sessions

One hardship of being a single girl is our commitment to leave the house looking completely polished and resplendent.  After all, according to Murphy's Law, when we look our worst, we will meet the man of our dreams in the pasta aisle at the grocery store, or worse, run into our ex-boyfriend with the girl of his dreams ring shopping at Tiffany and Co.  In order to avoid this dilemma with Murphy's Law, and for the sake of our pride and dignity, we would rather look stunning when confronted with the latter situation than look like ass with the former.  (Yes, we're crazy.)

However, underneath the oversized sunglasses, does anybody really know the last time we had our eyebrows plucked/waxed/threaded?  No!  Does anybody else see what's going on with our toenail polish concealed in those Prada pumps?  No!  Under that three-quarter length blouse, can anyone tell when our underarms have last seen the light of day?  No!  Don't even get us started on what's going on with the hoo-ha area.  (Trust us, you absolutely do NOT want to know.)

As a single girl, we have the privilege of scheduling self-maintenance needs around dates and social engagements.  If we're on a dating sabbatical (hey, dating can be exhausting, sometimes a girl just needs a break), some of us can get away for weeks without being tweezed, waxed or shaved.  And it is GLORIOUS.

Jeans and leggings are preferred in lieu of shorts, skirts and dresses.  Strapless and sleeveless tops are avoided, air conditioned environments are embraced.  We won't let anyone invade our personal space to protect our pores from being closely examined.  And we keep a stiff upper lip about the last time we've handled our upper lip.

Then there comes a miraculous time for a single girl when she surpasses the five-date mark with someone.  Suddenly, we are seeing him more than twice a week.  (One of those nights being a booty call.)  Suddenly, we are consistently using that box of condoms we purchased three months ago on a futile whim.  Yay!  Suddenly, and because we have set a precedent, we are expected to be perfectly polished, hairless and buffed while we're in the buff!  Oh, no!

Due to all the spontaneous sex and weekends spent in bed together, suddenly we find ourselves naked ALL THE TIME.  How are we supposed to shave/wax/pluck EVERYDAY??

How do non-single girls do it?  Do their significant others care or even notice if they skip self-grooming sessions every so often?  Is it true that people in relationships never see each other naked, ergo, making self-maintenance a moot point?

One of my best friends, a former single girl, promptly got herself lasered once she found herself with boyfriend.  Is this what it takes to cross over to relationship status?  Is the answer and solution zapping your hair follicles with laser beams?  If so, it seems hairdly worth it.

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