Thursday, February 4, 2010

#33 Bed Frames

At times when single girls are nestled in our beds, visions of handcuffs and bed frames may dance in our heads...

Yes, certain bed frames can be extremely sexy, but this naughty thought is not the only reason why single girls have an affinity towards cast iron bed posts or hardwood headboards.

Firstly, as much as we like home field advantage, we understand that occassionally our schedule takes us on the road.  And when we are "traveling," we think of hotel rooms with Egyptian cotton sheets, big fluffy pillows, and a nice sturdy king-sized bed.

What single girl doesn't enjoy a good romp in a "big boy bed"? 

On the other hand, there are guys out there who have no concept of such a thing.  These are the guys with pseudo "beds": mattresses on the floor of their bedrooms, and worse, mismatched bed sheets.  If we're lucky, the mattress may be on a box spring on the floor.  The ultimate deal breaker?  A twin-sized mattress on the floor.  With mismatched bed sheets.  (I shudder to think that this actually exists.)

While some may argue that lacking a proper bed can be romantically associated with a Bohemian lifestyle, this is really more reminiscent of the boys we hooked up with in college who smoked pot all day and played video games all night.  (Or vice versa.)

Essentially, a "big boy bed" is what separates the varsity players from the junior varsity yahoos.  And single girls like varsity players.

To explain, something can be said about dudes who own furniture, specifically bed frames with matching sheet sets.  Bed frames are secure, and metaphorically speaking, it means the dude should be somewhat secure himself.  Financially, yes, of course.  But there is also a semblance of maturity, permanence, and stability to owning furniture. 

Those guys with the mattresses on the floor?  These are guys who can lead a nomadic existence and pick up and leave (us) whenever they want (after selling the mattress they probably bought on Craigslist back to someone else they find on Craigslist).  Strange bedfellows indeed.

So guys, you've made your bed.  Now you want us to lie in it?  Just remember that the best way to bed a woman is with an actual bed.